Rapport levels and rapport seeking

I mentioned in a report that a girl was showing me rapport seeking behaviour. Jazzy replied with two questions:

- What is rapport seeking behavior? AND

- Whether asking many questions can be interpreted as seeking rapport?

Great questions, Jazzy!

Everyone knows, consciously or subconsciously, that if you want to connect with someone, you have to find something that you can both relate to: commonalities. That’s why people ask each other what music they like, what shows they watch, what their favorite holiday destinations are and so on.

First to explain what rapport seeking is, I have to explain the levels of rapport. See, if rapport is talking about personal matters – some issues are more personal than others. For example, a random person asking you straight off the bat in the street what age you lost your virginity would be completely rude – right? If I answer him I immediately lower my value – as he gave me nothing personal about himself. I can talk much more about levels of rapport, but you can sum it up with these 3 levels (having many shades of gray in them and between them): [Read more]

Relationship management: using sex to prevent drama

I believe there isn’t enough resources on the importance of sex in the relationship. A lot of girls say they need “good sex” in order for a relationship to work – but many times they don’t know how to explain what it is that they need! I find that good sex helps make sure relationships are low on maintenance and on drama, and high on fun.

1. Background
Girls have two mating strategies – one for the long term and one for the short term.

Long term mating strategy A girl needs to find a provider; someone who will take care of her –which means supply safety and food for her and her children. These are classic beta characteristics, and in pickup relate very much to long game (the 7 hours rules, Mystery method) which implies a lot of emotional comfort before sex. A beta male’s winning strategy is to show the girl that he has the characteristics of a provider and that is why she should be with him in the long term. This will allow her to maintain good social status for her and her kids – a steady one even if not an optimal one. Good long game makes girls sexually accepting to the male’s advances.
Short term mating strategy a girl needs a lover. Someone make sure that the genes her children have are a good combination of hers and another male with superior genes – an alpha male. In pickup this is related to short game usually (fast escalation, first night closes, Oracle method) which implies a lot of attraction before sex. The alpha has to show a girl that he has good genes (value) as well as that her social status will not be hurt by having sex with him – she won’t feel like a slut and society won’t judge her as one. Good short game makes girl sexually aggressive towards the male and in a pursuit after his genes (or sex with him).

Believe it or not, but for a girl to be emotionally balanced, she needs to have both. If a girl has a long term partner who is beta, she will still be in need of a good alpha male’s genes and would still be open to advances. If you have a classic FB relationship with a girl and give her close to zero of emotional comfort, she will seek that with other men. These two – lover and provider can be found in the same person, but are generally mutually exclusive. So, all and all, in order to have a healthy fun relationship you want to be both! [Read more]

The effect of good long term relationships

There’s a bit of relationship hating in the community. Everyone wants a fuckbuddy, or a harem. Loving relationships are rarely discussed, either open or closed.
I found that the thing that most profoundly changed me was an amazing relationship that I was in. It made me more sexual, more confident, more manly and better at pickup. I’ll explain:

Sexual experience
- getting comfortable with sexual tension (i used to hate it in PU). This time everytime I see my GF walk through the door I get a hard on. But I don’t drag her to my room and fuck her! There is a slight process of:
- constant re-seduction – making the other person horny and wanting sex almost turns into a game. An old FB of mine used to come over and hang, and when she got bored, rode me until I was ready to fuck the shit out of her. With guys doing it to girls it’s more subtle, but again very PU related.
- Getting better in bed
- Sexual presence – happens when you realize girls really like sex and hence it is OK to show your sex loving side all the time.
- Eliminate sexual neediness- relevant to open/FB relationships only, but still very powerful.

Emotional intimacy
- Understanding a woman’s world
- Being able to connect with her
- Liking her despite of her weaknesses or even because she had the courage to expose them.
- Treating a girl like a puzzle you want to solve.
- Treating a girl like a project, someone who you want to help achieve their goals.

All of these translate to a warming up of your personality. Some can be achieved by very close friendship relationships, but that wouldn’t (of course) include the sex part.

Understanding women
There is no man who attracts 9s and 10s but who all other girls find unattractive. Women are women, period. And being in a close relationship with a women makes you understand their psyche so much better. You’ll see them when they’re up and when they’re down. You’ll slowly see the shell of coolness they let everyone be fooled by, drop to show insecurities you never thought would be there. And you learn how to heal them and make them feel better.
Yes, you’ll receive your share of drama in relationships. And as with every relationship you’d have to compromise. And learn.

Validation – constantly reminded that there is a girl attracted to you. Hence, you are attractive to girls.

Ability to try PU ideas on your girl – like a safe environment, she will not dump you for negging her too hard! Everything from dirty texts to frames can be practiced.

Fashion ideas – most likely the girl will start grooming you so you would look more presentable, and mention when you’re not (as your image reflects on hers). This is constructive criticism.

Get a steady girl, I say. Get close to her physically and emotionally and improve your attract and rapport abilities. This will be a beautiful experience of getting closer to another person, as well as a very rewarding one.

QBall