My opinions about PU – interview for MX magazine

This is an interview I did for MX magazine in June 07. It hasn’t been published for some reason, but it explains a lot of my opinions and ideas about pickup.

How did you become a pick-up artist?

The purpose of learning to become a PUA is to be better with women. And that cannot be achieved without making them happy and adding value into their lives. There is no magic bullet or spell that can be cast to get a woman attracted to you – you have to go through a lengthy process of self growth. A big part of it is understanding the reality of women and being able to relate to them. So in fact, the deeper you get into ‘the game’ the more you care, respect and understand women.

Should girls beware?

Are there female PUAs?

The three states – Emotional, Logical and Equi-State

There has been some talk of states in the forum. I’ve got a few insights on it lately, and I’d like to share them with you. Relevance to pick up:

- You have to evoke emotional state in a girl in order to be able to seduce
- You need to be “in state” when you’re in the field. Do you know what that state is?

Let’s start.

Basically, people live most of their lives in between two states:

- Logical state
- Emotional state

Every one of us in the human race spends part of their time in both states, interchangeably.

STATES AND GENDERS
In my opinion, the cause for most misunderstandings between females and males stems from a very simple difference.
Girls (as a general, statistic rule) spend a lot more of their time in emotional state. Hence, they are referred to as “emotional creatures” a lot of the time, they are considered to have higher tendencies to panic etc.
Guys (same generalization) spend a lot more of their time in logical state. A lot of guys have ZERO emotional intelligence. They do not understand their emotions, they would never even admit to having been emotional. Their tendency to backwards rationalize is huge, and they don’t accept (unlike girls) that sometimes they are not LOGICALLY in control of themselves.

STATES EXPLAINED

LOGICAL STATE (LS)
This state involves everything that is governed by rules and requires structured thinking. For example – if I ask you to compute how much 728*43 is, you will immediately go into LS (if you choose to take this mission..)

However, this applies to cases where you actually have to use your logic and apply rules. For example, asking you how much 3*4 is would usually have nothing to do with calculations but just with memory access – as I assume most of us remember the multiplication table.
In the same way, tasks that have already become a skillset will not require you to be in LS although they are governed by rules and require structured thinking. Why? Because once you’ve done something enough times you’re subconscious takes over and does most of the task automatically. A good example would be driving a car, typing on a keyboard (which turns into touch typing with time…) etc.

LS is not enjoyable. This is a major generalization (and I fully believe in it). Bear with me and I will try to explain.

Let’s look at a classic LS activity – academic studies (in fields like engineering, IT, etc). People do not like the way it feels when they start learning something new. It always feels like a new, unknown world. And so, people need some kind of motivation (internal or external) to go into LS. You might say that you’re happy you’re learning in University and love studying, but in fact, you are happy with the consequences of what the continuous logical state will bring you – deeper understanding, a diploma, better job prospects, doing what society expects you to. The actual state of studying is not only not enjoyable but very tiring.

With regards to PU – girls DO NOT want to be put in LS. LS is uninteresting. They want someone to trigger them emotionally. When a guy comes up to a girl with interview style (“what’s your name?”, “what do you do?” etc) it triggers absolutely no emotion. She just accesses her memory and answers him (if she’s nice…), but at the same time her brain is being logical thinking “what is this guy doing here? what does he want from me? when is he going away?” and trying to analyze it. Another example – you tell a girl you like her, and she asks “why do you like me?”. Most guys will start analyzing why, putting themselves and the girl in LS. She obviously just wants to hear the emotionally valid answer (which makes perfect sense to most girls and emotionally savvy guys – and is also the truth) – “I don’t know what it is really… I didn’t come with a manual to being human”.

One more point about logical state – it has very much to do with conscious (in contrast with subconscious). It requires effort to actually tell your brain what to do, because your subconscious likes to “take over” and do what it feels like.

A final example to sum it up – LS is not enjoyable at all. You start enjoying maths when you get a “feel” for an equation and intuitively “know” where to proceed. This isn’t logical state. This is developing an internal skillset with regards to maths. Your subconscious reigns, and then is when you enjoy it.

If anyone can think of a logical state that they enjoy without motivation (motivation actually being an emotional state), please let me know and I’ll reconsider these statements.

EMOTIONAL STATE (ES)

ES is the mirror picture of LS. It has a lot to do with your ego and how you define your personality (in the way the world sees it). It also has a lot to do with creativity, imagination and being “in the zone”.

Things that will put you in an ES immediately would be:
* Engaging your imagination: “Imagine a desert scene with a deep blue clouded sky. Camels are walking in the horizon while the wind blows in your hair”.

* Describing emotions: “That made me feel so worthless I almost felt like crying”.

* Anything to do with the senses – colors, smells, sensations described in general: “I went to a restaurant today, and guess what I had? Beautiful green salad with soy sauce, and [...]“. Describing meals is classic girl-speak by the way, as they access their ES much easier then men.

* Anything to do with your EGO – the ways you define yourself and keep constantly trying to prove to your environment and yourself. For example, a girl who has an ego point regarding smarts, that is she keeps trying to convince herself and everyone that she is clever, will be very insulted if you tell her she’s stupid. Really smart girls would be much less hurt, as they don’t believe you… But ironically, really stupid girls would also be less hurt – because they’ve accepted (to a certain level) that they’re stupid – it’s all about life experiences. This is pretty convoluted, but with some more thinking, trust me, it makes sense.

I will go back to the topic of Ego Points on a later article (if there is an interest) – but for this article, it’s enough to know that if you know someone’s ego points (something they keep trying to prove to themselves and/or the environment) you can put them in ES just by mentioning it – approving or disapproving of this opinion they have of themselves).

Now this is where ES gets tricky. Unlike LS, ES can be divided further into two:
- Positive Emotional State (ES+)
- Negative Emotional State (ES-)

ES+ would consist of good sensations running through your body which lead to good emotions. Making someone imagine something pleasurable is an example. ES- is the opposite, of course.

Why do I refer to these states as basically one and the same? Because, once someone is in an ES, they could easily be moved into the mirroring ES. Giving a girl a compliment and then saying “don’t let it get to your head”, followed by “but I still like you. You’re cool” is an example of ES juggling, also known in the community as Push and Pull.

ES is most definitely interesting, however, it cannot simply be said to be pleasurable. ES+ is definitely pleasurable, but ES- is a much more painful state to be in then LS (Logical state).

Emotional state is governed by your subconscious and has 2 main parts to it:
- Learned internalized skillsets and habits (things learned via trial and error and/or in logical state).
- Hardwired primitive urges.

Unlike Logical state, which seems a lot more simple to analyze (to me), it seems ES has a lot of intricacy to it. It has varying levels of intensity, and the harder the level of intensity is, the harder it is to do ES juggling.

It would be very hard to turn someone angry into a smiling, happy camper. However, taking them to logical state won’t help either. What should
be done is lowering the intensity of the ES, from very angry to, say, pissed off. From that point, you can (for example) use some humour to do ES juggling.

ES also feeds on social environment energies. When people around you are in ES+, it is hard to be in ES-. I believe that this is due to tribal behaviours, making it necessary for the tribe to share emotions in order to work better as a group.

There are some other points now, but they do not come to mind…

STATE SWITCH
If it seemed like you are necessarily in one state or another for hours on end, that is definitely not necasssarily true. State switches can be very quick – ES+ TO ES- for example. But also, low energy and interviewing style PU can bring someone out of ES and into LS. Life is constantly about these state switches, but the brain can only be in one state at one time – even if it is for a millisecond.
On the other hand, you can be in a state for hours, and I’m sure most of us can remember a recent occassion where they were emotional for HOURS.

I will soon proceed to describe the third, powerful state required for PU – EQUI-STATE (QS). But before, a short discussion about states and value.

STATES AND VALUE
Value is actually a very tangible quality that our brains feel and analyzes all the time. You know when a true alpha is around, and if you don’t – your brain does. It constantly keeps track of your value and the value of people around you and does comparisons.

Now, there are many ways to convey higher value, but it seems you can describe all of them with the following abstract rule:
In a relationship between two people, the person of higher value (x) the one who can consistently (throughout their interactions) put the other person (y) in a higher intensity Emotional State than x’s Emotional State is at the time of interaction.

This sounds very mathematical, so I’ll explain by examples again:
* Someone who can get you really angry while remaining relatively unaffected is higher value.
* Someone who can make you laugh incessantly without laughing themselves is higher value.
* Someone who can make you cry without being emotional themselves is higher value.

And – and this is what we do with PU:
* Someone who can make you feel strong emotional feelings without (seemingly) feeling the same, is HIGHER VALUE.

EQUI STATE (QS)
OK, this is a tricky one. Because, unlike the other ones, this is a state where you have to consciously work against your bodily sensations. My definition for equi-state is “a state in which you’re aware of your own emotions and sensations, but decide on your course of action logically”. In that, it is a bridge between ES and LS. I think it is caused by a flow of adrenaline into the body, but without being angry or afraid. That is (usually), “fight or flight” instinct is triggered, but not acted upon.

I believe most of us in the lair have witnessed and felt it.

Examples:
* Feeling “fear of approach” but approaching.
* You feel “fight or flight” in an argument but choose not to do either – you don’t apologize and you don’t lash back. You remain unaffected.
* Doing a bungee jump.

And maybe these too: (to a lesser degree if any, not sure)
* Feeling disgust from a certain activity but doing it still.
* Withholding yourself from doing something you really want but you know you should (dieting, quitting smoking, etc).

QS bears with it tremendous feelings of confidence and self control, and also a feeling of “I know what to do”. The more you do it, the more comfortable it feels to go past fears and break bad old habits.

And now, how to get into QS? The answer is not an easy one. You have to do what you know you should, but don’t feel like doing. You have to be true to yourself, and at the same time remain emotionally unaffected.
This is, by the way, my latest definition of Alpha – true to yourself, and emotionally unaffected.

I hope you see why QS projects so much value. If you look back to the topic of states and value, you will see that by staying in QS, you will do two things:

* Create ES in other people (this requires techniques, but being in QS makes it easy and would also make you feel congruent).
* Remain emotionally unaffected yourself.

One more thing that needs to be mentioned about QS – it is VERY fragile. That is, it’s very easy to fall from it into ES (either ES+ or ES-). However, just like ES it has intensity levels. That is why warm up sets work – you go past your fear of approach once, twice, three times – and you amplify your state.

GIRLS CLASSIFIED BY STATE

So again, as I said, girls tend to be in ES much more of the time. But how much? The amount of time a girl spends in ES is pretty clear after some calibration (if you understand some of the ideas in this article, you should be able to tell someone’s state in no time soon…). However, the amount of time she spend in ES also determines a lot.

Super emotional girl – FLAKES – can be detected by using a lot of emotional words (the 5 senses, talking about her ego, etc). These girls are GOVERNED by their emotions, and are almost always in ES. This makes it easy, because they will not resist being put in emotional state in the first place. However, as I said, ES+ is what makes people happy basically, and that’s where you want to put them in their interactions with you. However, you should consider the fact that these girls have experience a lot more ES+. And so, their emotional needs you need to meet are A LOT higher. You need to master emotional juggling to be able to handle flakes well.

Logical girls – These are a rare breed, but they are still there to be found. These girls would usually work in jobs that require a lot of LS, such as accountants, programmers, engineers, etc. It is VERY easy to be interesting to these girls, as they access ES a lot less than most girls. However, when they get to an intensified ES, they are OUT OF CONTROL. They have a lot less experience with ES, and it just takes over them.

Regular girls – I would say these are most girls, and they spend most of their time (60-80%) in ES. Their emotional bar (how hard it is to get them into ES) varies, but with some calibration can be found and bypassed. And after that, it’s all up to you…

CLOSING NOTES
OK, this is pretty much what I had in mind at the moment… I just felt in the zone and wrote all this train of thought – I might go back and fix some things. This is the first time I put these ideas into written form, and your comments would be VERY helpful.

One thing I definitely need advice on is being “in the zone” (or “flow” as it is referred to in the book “Emotional intelligence”) – doing something almost subconsciously but with a lot of precision and energy. The example the book gives is a neuro-surgeon doing brain surgery for 8 straight hours, and finding out when the operation is finished that part of the ceiling collapsed in the room 5 hours before… The same would be true for sports people during gametime, dancers in a recital etc. This might be QS, but it doesn’t coincide with my definitions for it. Is it a fourth state? Intensified Logical state? Your ideas are welcome.

QBall

Rapport levels and rapport seeking

I mentioned in a report that a girl was showing me rapport seeking behaviour. Jazzy replied with two questions:

- What is rapport seeking behavior? AND

- Whether asking many questions can be interpreted as seeking rapport?

Great questions, Jazzy!

Everyone knows, consciously or subconsciously, that if you want to connect with someone, you have to find something that you can both relate to: commonalities. That’s why people ask each other what music they like, what shows they watch, what their favorite holiday destinations are and so on.

First to explain what rapport seeking is, I have to explain the levels of rapport. See, if rapport is talking about personal matters – some issues are more personal than others. For example, a random person asking you straight off the bat in the street what age you lost your virginity would be completely rude – right? If I answer him I immediately lower my value – as he gave me nothing personal about himself. I can talk much more about levels of rapport, but you can sum it up with these 3 levels (having many shades of gray in them and between them):

Surface rapport – (basic facts about myself. Someone wanting to know them is showing a ‘general interest’, or maybe is just being polite.
Medium rapport – some more personal things about myself. Nothing that I don’t mind sharing, but I will share only if it feels like the other person is really interested in what I have to say.
Deep rapport – big emotional events, things that changed the course of my life. Things that inspired me, defeated me, things that made me proud, my closest relationships etc. I would only open up like this if I know the person is very interested, but also that they won’t judge me.
Rapport in pickup
Pickup artists talk about amusing interesting topics until they find something the girl says they can actually relate to. They don’t ask too many interested questions, and facilitate the situation so that she works to find their commonalities as well. When the commonalities surface, it is in a very natural manner – “I just found this something about you, and you interest me.” If nothing like this can be found, it’d be very hard to connect with a girl at any level.
Rapport seeking is the opposite behaviour – it’s the effort made to relate to something with higher level of rapport than was provided (i.e. a big investment, you lose value). Rapport seeking shows a wish to connect with the other person, usually because of higher value (e.g. your boss) or attraction.

In this sarge, rapport seeking behaviour was obvious straight off the bat. The first bit of information about me was revealed in response to her question (I’m from Israel, surface rapport). In response, she started going on about a friend she has that is from there and how much she likes her (medium rapport), as well as telling me a story about how crazy of a driver she is, and how most Israelis are (trying very hard to connect).

The subcommunication was “I get along with Israelis and know lots about them – so we’ll get along well – you should keep talking to me!”. Also, the fact that she talked for so long after the short answer I gave showed that she either wants to prove to me that she knows Israelis, or that she’s trying to give as many points as possible for us to connect on. Or both. Quite obvious now when we’re out of the field, huh?

As to your question, Jazzy – asking too many questions is also a rapport seeking behaviour and would be quite obvious to any girl that has any game.

Example of how I treat information given to me when it’s too early to relate: (beginning of the sarge, need more attraction)

Q: “So where are you from?”
HB: “Ireland.”
Q: “Are you a lepricon? Your nose is red, and your voice is squeaky. Are you after my lucky charms?”
HB: “Hahaha, where are YOU from?”

I respond to their answers with zany humour, usually the kind that shows that I can relate to them but choose not to. This creates fun conversation AND enough intrigue for them to keep asking me questions (and in effect seeking rapport from you).

Great question Jazzy,
QBall

“I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.”

Relationship management: using sex to prevent drama

I believe there isn’t enough resources on the importance of sex in the relationship. A lot of girls say they need “good sex” in order for a relationship to work – but many times they don’t know how to explain what it is that they need! I find that good sex helps make sure relationships are low on maintenance and on drama, and high on fun.

1. Background
Girls have two mating strategies – one for the long term and one for the short term.

Long term mating strategy A girl needs to find a provider; someone who will take care of her –which means supply safety and food for her and her children. These are classic beta characteristics, and in pickup relate very much to long game (the 7 hours rules, Mystery method) which implies a lot of emotional comfort before sex. A beta male’s winning strategy is to show the girl that he has the characteristics of a provider and that is why she should be with him in the long term. This will allow her to maintain good social status for her and her kids – a steady one even if not an optimal one. Good long game makes girls sexually accepting to the male’s advances.
Short term mating strategy a girl needs a lover. Someone make sure that the genes her children have are a good combination of hers and another male with superior genes – an alpha male. In pickup this is related to short game usually (fast escalation, first night closes, Oracle method) which implies a lot of attraction before sex. The alpha has to show a girl that he has good genes (value) as well as that her social status will not be hurt by having sex with him – she won’t feel like a slut and society won’t judge her as one. Good short game makes girl sexually aggressive towards the male and in a pursuit after his genes (or sex with him).

Believe it or not, but for a girl to be emotionally balanced, she needs to have both. If a girl has a long term partner who is beta, she will still be in need of a good alpha male’s genes and would still be open to advances. If you have a classic FB relationship with a girl and give her close to zero of emotional comfort, she will seek that with other men. These two – lover and provider can be found in the same person, but are generally mutually exclusive. So, all and all, in order to have a healthy fun relationship you want to be both!

That means that throughout the relationship you have to always show your value to the girl to keep her attraction (lover type). Having your own standards and expectations in life, having a vision that is bigger than just that relationship is the right direction. Also, initial education to the kind of treatment you’re expecting from her side and keeping to it is crucial.
In order to be a good provider you have to make her feel that her social status is safe – you are always there to protect her. You will not let her suffer humiliating social circumstances which will make her feel weak and less worthy. Also, never fight with her – fighting with a girl always serves to push you two further apart. There are better ways to solve any issue in a relationship.

2. The two forms of sex
So what is the role of sex in a relationship really?
Most guys find the concept very hard to understand, but sex for a girl is an emotional experience, much more so than a physical one. And in this emotional experience there is sub-communication – much like pickup. Just like your nonverbals tell her more about you (body language, tonality, eye contact) than what you say, she judges more about you during sex from things that don’t have to do with the angle you penetrate her and how deep you go in.

Here I go into the two main forms of having sex: ‘fucking’ and ‘making love’.

Fucking – having sex with a girl in a way that is very dominant and alpha. The girl feels during sex that you are a strong alpha male, with great genes. This in turn helps you maintain value (and her attraction to you) in the relationship.

Making love – having sex with a girl in a way that makes her feel how much you care for her. The girl feels during sex that she has someone who will take care of her, someone that makes her feel safe. This in turn helps you escalate the relationship emotionally, deepen her love for you (and yours to her).

More on those later.

3. Relationship control mechanisms
There are two main systems to control relationships: dominance and drama.

3.1 Dominance
Dominance is usually more associated with men. It is the leading the interactions, and making all the decisions in a way that benefits both sides. Good dominance makes the dominated feel that they can rely on the other person to make decisions for them (even if they weren’t initially completely in agreement) because the end results will be a positive one. For example, setting a day2 with a girl – and making the decisions regarding time and place. The girl might not have chosen those places herself, but once she’s there – you make sure she enjoys it. She learns to trust you. Girls can use dominance too in a relationship, and you can expect that from HSE girls. Dominance can be both a long-term strategy (in growing a girl accustomed to be controlled by you) and a short-term one (in making the decisions in new situations thus effectively controlling them).

3.2. Drama
Drama is usually associated with girls. It is the creation of an emotional situation in which the other side responds with empathy to the dramatizer’s situation. In that situation, feeling what they feel, the dramatizer may demand a certain treatment that would be unacceptable if that level of empathy has not been reached. It is almost like a spell of putting the other side in their shoes. However, guys may use drama as well to escalate relationships, and the main example for this is the anti-LMR technique “freeze out”. A good freeze out makes a girl feel that she has turned you off and that she might lose you because of it. It makes her feel that you’re frustrated, but not angry, and that you can leave at any second – you don’t need her. The conveyance of this is what makes a freeze out so effective.
Girls would usually create drama in order to get angry at a situation in which they felt belittled or they have received treatment that was unfair from you. This can be after the situation is over, or while you’re trying to make your decision. If you are affected, you change your behavior, and have effectively succumbed to more control over a relationship.
Drama is very useful in creating boundaries in the relationship and maintaining long term standards, as a mistake that was met with drama which affected a guy would usually not happen again if not treated right – the girl learns that drama in that situation helps to control her man and the man avoids the so-called mistake. It can also be useful in avoiding situations if the drama is strong and immediate enough to make the other side change their decision (“freeze out”).

Guys want to receive as little drama as they can from girls. Being put in the other side’s shoes when they feel bad is emotionally draining. Maintaining unaffectedness towards the problems of someone you care about is emotionally draining as well, and becomes bad when an actual problem surfaces and you cannot identify it because you are used to receive drama.

Many times, way more than I thought, girls will introduce drama into the relationship when they are not sexually satisfied. They will not do it consciously. This will, if not treated properly, cause you to invest more emotion in the relationship, become more beta and lose value (attraction/comfort) in her eyes. So you want to prevent drama, give them good sex.

On a side note, as I mentioned before, it is important that the first times a girl introduces drama you act in a cold manner which implies that you are non-reactive to it – withdraw
the positive attention she usually receives from you. This will be the only good form of punishment (remember – never fight with her!). Overall, some girls are used to control relationships with drama, and might be hard to wean – but the precedent must be set that this is not the sort of behavior you would accept. It is hard to define meaningless drama over real emotional crisis – but a girl making you feel guilty for stuff that you do, or even a girl crying continuously to you over her problems at work are not things I accept. Our time together should be happy and as a rule I don’t accept anything that would create unhappiness. If a girl introduces drama I will pretty often cut the interaction with her shorter and/or not see her for a short while – the hint is understood. This topic is covered more in Oracle’s Postsarging: handling FBs and MLTRs.

3.2.1 Girls need drama
Oracle writes in that article: “Women love drama. They think it’s necessary, but that is of course wrong.” I disagree, and I think he defines drama different than me. Negative drama as a control mechanism is indeed unnecessary. But girls (and indeed everyone) have to feel emotional ups and downs happen in their lives – otherwise they get bored. What’s good is that in a relationship you can provide your girl with that need for drama. Taking girls to incredible emotional highs is the sort of positive drama that prevents negative drama from happening. A great night of wild sex or you telling a girl you love her for the first time are examples of positive drama. As a general rule, anything that makes a girl very emotional (or opposite of bored) can be drama – be it a movie, or a show. If she feels like her life is boring when she’s around you, she will associate it with you and cause drama.

4. Using sex in the relationship
The best way to deal with drama is to prevent it from happening in the first place. Usually you can tell (if you’re aware and sensitive enough) to slight changes in the girl’s behavior – times when she changes from her baseline. Now you have to think to yourself:
“Is this drama caused from a lack in value or a lack in comfort?”

4.1. Detecting the problem
Examples for lack of value: You’ve let a girl push you around for a while, or did something that she wanted but you obviously didn’t enjoy, or accepted her opinion about something when you actually thought the opposite. Your behavior changes to be more beta afterwards and a girl is less attracted to you.
Examples for lack of comfort: You’ve let a girl down, by causing her to feel uncared for in a way that could cause her social status to be hurt. For example: you have been canceling dates on her, she has suspicions that you’re emotionally cheating on her (assuming this is a closed relationship) in a way that might imply that you’d leave her in the near future or let her status for you fall (from primary girl to secondary girl if it’s an open one) etc.

The cure to all of these is to realize them before they happened and deal with them in the proper kind of sex. Why sex rather then talk things over for example?
Well, people are more prone to change their mind when they are very emotional. And girls (as well as guys) get very emotional during sex. In short, the answer is:
Sex is the quickest, most efficient, most believable and most fun way to convey strong emotions.

4.2. The solution: sex
If you are losing value, fuck her more. That means to both have very dominant sex with her, fucking her like a sex object, put her in positions that you like more, dirty talk to her. Having more sex with her than she would usually have with you is also very dominant, but should be dealt with carefully – of course you don’t want to force sex on her. If you’re passionate enough however, and initiate sex more she would usually not resist and get into it. The result of more fucking is to increase the girl’s libido or sexual aggressiveness towards you. She will have more attraction to you, and hence you have more value.

If you are losing comfort, make more love to her. That means, have very intimate sex with her, in a way that makes her feel like you care about how she feels, put her in positions that she likes, do things which are related to her pleasure (go down on her more and for longer periods), emotionally talk to her, let her control more of the sexual interactions. The result of more lovemaking is the increase in the emotional connection between you and the girl, and the increase of her sexual openness towards you (including the initiation of more sex or more adventurousness in the bedroom in general). She will have more comfort with you.

4.3. The importance of her orgasm
As was said before, sex is more an emotional experience than a physical one to a girl. Every sex session should be orchestrated as a narrative, starting from foreplay (or even starting with the time you spend with her leading to it, like the date) and ending in her climax. Girls are very romantic and story-oriented like that. And the narrative better have a happy ending!
Also, especially in dominant sex, it is important to make the girl come to prevent the feeling that you are a selfish lover. You care about her needs in bed, even if you fuck her like she’s a sexual object. Fucking a girl like she’s a sex object is a big turn on for many girls, being in the man’s control, and by itself causes the sex to be more passionate and increase the likelihood that she comes from your so-called selfish acts (thrusting very quickly, fucking her when she’s still raw and not wet yet etc).
Her orgasm isn’t necessarily related to sex (although it is best if done so). If she hasn’t come during sex and you came before her (and hence cannot perform because of refraction time) – make her come either manually or orally. This will still be associated with the pleasure of the actual penetrative sex act. It is always superior to get the girl to come during sex in general, but I find that sometimes even getting her to come before you is both boring and predictable and detracts from your value as it may imply you’re less in the moment and preventing your own ecstasy for her (lower value).

4.4. The importance of talk – emotional talk and dirty talk
This is not to be underestimated. If sex is a story, the talking is the soundtrack. Making sounds in general is important, and if you’re not a loud lover, become one. But dirty talk and emotional talk have a very powerful function too. The more someone is emotional, the easier it is to affect their subconscious. And since sex is such a strong emotional experience for a girl, when you talk to them during sex, you’re talking to their subconscious. The messages you say in these moments of passion remain etched in her subconscious very powerfully – even if (and this is very common) she won’t remember what you said specifically during sex. So, make the messages very value/comfort related – even in a very direct way – this will work both to turn a girl more and for your longer term goals.

Examples for very direct dirty talk:
“Baby, you’ve been thinking about fucking me all night long. You’re such a dirty little slut.. You love having this big cock inside of you, pounding you like you’re a piece of meat. You love servicing this cock (if she rides you) and making your man come. You need me so much, baby – I give you so much pleasure. No other man can fuck you like this.”

Examples of very direct emotional talk:
“Baby, I love you so much. Having my cock inside you, I feel how much you care for me, and I care so much for you too. I’ll always have your back baby (hold her close), and I’ll never let anyone harm you. I’ll always keep you safe baby. I’ll keep fucking you forever baby, giving you all this pleasure baby.”

4.5. Sex and relationship sta
bility and escalation
You might have more fucking or more lovemaking in the relationship – and the ratios may vary at different times. In this sense, the sex you have accompanies how dominance/comfort you have with your girl. More than that, it actually helps escalate dominance and comfort in relationships. It’s just a necessary piece of the relationship puzzle.
Putting more emphasis on one sort of sex at certain times is great. For example, on her birthday, if you had an entire night which concerned her, with her friends all showing her how much they care for her and her being the center of attention – more lovemaking is only natural.

4.6. Orgasm scorekeeping
As a rule of thumb I follow, there shouldn’t be a situation where a sexual session ends without both sides orgasming at least once (unless consequences prevent it). Yes, even when a girl has her rags. This is especially important in the beginning of the relationship to show that sex is something you both mutually enjoy.
For example, the first time I had sex with my current girlfriend she was being a selfish lover and rode me until climax. After that she asked for a 5 minute break, which I was OK with, and after another 5 minutes she peeled the condom off of me and said that we continue the next morning. I wasn’t going to stay the night over that night, and I told her that I want a blowjob. Some shit tests later (“Am I going to be your summer sex slave?”,”Yes”) she gave me a blowjob, after which she got so turned on we had sex again. What’s important is that I set sex as something we both enjoy and contribute towards – from the first time.
However, there is no need to be petty! As long as none of the partners are being selfish, pretty much everything is OK. A lot of times one of the partners comes more times than the other and that’s fine.

4.7. Shapeshifting
It is also important to note the shape shifter archetype. The shape shifter is the best kind of lover as defined by Daniel Rose in The sex revolution handbook (which is now named “The sex god method”). Without getting too much into the content of the book (read it! It’s a must and inspired much of this article), the point that I want to make is that you can, and sometimes should change styles of sex in the middle of a session and even combine dirty and emotional statements and the relevant sexual moves. This is explained in great detail in the book, and I will not go into it here.

5. General relationship frame
I want to describe some of my beliefs about a relationship, which helps them stay fun, while I still hold a strong frame.
- She is always happy around me – we’re always happy together. Our time together is special and appreciated, and any bringing up of unnecessary bad (e.g. drama) detracts from it – for both of us.
- When she things that I like (compliance), I reward her by more of my time and/or positive attention. When she doesn’t I punish her by taking those away. This is a classic warm alpha strategy, as I never punish by being angry at her. I only do what’s natural for me – when I’m angry at her, I don’t want her around. So when she does something bad, she ultimately feels bad – however this isn’t dogs we’re training here but (hopefully) clever women; I never directly mention what she did wrong (unless desperately needed). They get the hint and I convey very little affectedness of my mood from her behavior. Your woman wants you to be strong like a rock. Credit to most of these ideas – Oracle.
- I make the decisions. She can suggest what we do but I make the calls.
- I’m the best thing that she has in HER life (rather than most relationships when it’s the other way around). I provide the highest emotional highs and lows and excitement and so leaving me isn’t an option.

6. Closing thoughts
Make sure your girl is satisfied – both by orgasms and the right kind of emotions she receives from you during the sex act. Act accordingly in the relationship as well. This will prevent drama and help maintain happy, healthy relationships.

Your comments are very welcome.
QBall

The effect of good long term relationships

There’s a bit of relationship hating in the community. Everyone wants a fuckbuddy, or a harem. Loving relationships are rarely discussed, either open or closed.
I found that the thing that most profoundly changed me was an amazing relationship that I was in. It made me more sexual, more confident, more manly and better at pickup. I’ll explain:

Sexual experience
- getting comfortable with sexual tension (i used to hate it in PU). This time everytime I see my GF walk through the door I get a hard on. But I don’t drag her to my room and fuck her! There is a slight process of:
- constant re-seduction – making the other person horny and wanting sex almost turns into a game. An old FB of mine used to come over and hang, and when she got bored, rode me until I was ready to fuck the shit out of her. With guys doing it to girls it’s more subtle, but again very PU related.
- Getting better in bed
- Sexual presence – happens when you realize girls really like sex and hence it is OK to show your sex loving side all the time.
- Eliminate sexual neediness- relevant to open/FB relationships only, but still very powerful.

Emotional intimacy
- Understanding a woman’s world
- Being able to connect with her
- Liking her despite of her weaknesses or even because she had the courage to expose them.
- Treating a girl like a puzzle you want to solve.
- Treating a girl like a project, someone who you want to help achieve their goals.

All of these translate to a warming up of your personality. Some can be achieved by very close friendship relationships, but that wouldn’t (of course) include the sex part.

Understanding women
There is no man who attracts 9s and 10s but who all other girls find unattractive. Women are women, period. And being in a close relationship with a women makes you understand their psyche so much better. You’ll see them when they’re up and when they’re down. You’ll slowly see the shell of coolness they let everyone be fooled by, drop to show insecurities you never thought would be there. And you learn how to heal them and make them feel better.
Yes, you’ll receive your share of drama in relationships. And as with every relationship you’d have to compromise. And learn.

Validation – constantly reminded that there is a girl attracted to you. Hence, you are attractive to girls.

Ability to try PU ideas on your girl – like a safe environment, she will not dump you for negging her too hard! Everything from dirty texts to frames can be practiced.

Fashion ideas – most likely the girl will start grooming you so you would look more presentable, and mention when you’re not (as your image reflects on hers). This is constructive criticism.

Get a steady girl, I say. Get close to her physically and emotionally and improve your attract and rapport abilities. This will be a beautiful experience of getting closer to another person, as well as a very rewarding one.

QBall

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