Honesty in open sexual relationships

Question on my local lair (some wording adapted):

WE SARGE, WE CLOSE, WE START A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP

Then the house of cards blows over. (Recently my girl huffed and puffed and walked away.)

I have had multiple Fuckbuddies over the years. A great proportion of these women fall in love with me.

I DON’T KNOW WHY

I am not overly nice. I see them only in booty call hours.

I KNOW THE THEORY

Outline the rules early. Tell them ‘this will be purely sexual.’ But actually calibrating and getting girls into that reality is different.

SO HOW IS IT DONE?

My answer:

Hey man,

Actions speak louder than words. And as you’ve said, you’re nice. This may not sound like a lot to you, but perhaps compared with other one-dimensional Aussie ‘blokes’ your emotional intelligence and kindness comes through…

Personally, I don’t really believe in purely sexual relationships. Is that really all you want – just a girl to come over, fuck you and go home? I can’t really help you with that – and I don’t think that any normal girl would stay around for too long – it just doesn’t fulfill them emotionally. Personally, I get bored of fucking a stranger after a while, no matter how hot she is… So I always involve at least a bit of emotion there, it makes everything oh-so-much better.

Your relationship reality grounding story
Keeping that in mind, I have been only in open relationships my entire life. The way that’s done best, in my experience, is to be completely natural about it – Zanify yourself. This is an entire mindset, but for starters, be completely open and honest.
How? Tell her a grounding story, a deep rapport story spanning throughout your entire love life – from the first girl you kissed, through your most meaningful relationships, and to where you are now. Don’t avoid pain, embarrassment, or stuff you think may make you look weak. Those are exactly the points you should embrace. She’s attracted to you by now, so this will only make her feel better – like there’s an actual person behind your strong relationship “rules and regulations”.

Concise excerpt from my story:
“I was a secret admirer for the first girl who I courted at 15, putting presents in her mailbox everyday. I even hired a PO Box at the post office so she could mail back without revealing my identity. She never did…
At 17 I was in love with my best friend, and never told her.. Another girl was in love with me, and we were getting it on, but I never liked her so much. And so a pattern started where I would always get the girls who I didn’t like, and got needy for the ones I did so I’d lose them.”

My story is specially intense, as I tell how frustrated I was with my situation with women, my PUA history and how I worked as a pickup instructor for a big company. I finished off by saying how I’ve realized I’ve just been chasing my own tail, and I’m looking for my heart now. And how I care to make every relationship with a girl deeper. This entire story is true, and comes from my heart – this is of utmost importance.

The responses to this have been amazing. A long time FB who was starting to be flaky because falling for me said “Thank you. I understand now” – and our relationship has grown much deeper, with less flakiness since. Another 2 girls who I was broken up with – over this exact issue – have gone back to me upon hearing this truly honest story, alongside with a general attitude of openness. It gives them the one thing they don’t get in an open relationship – certainty. They know who I am, what my limits are, what my relationship boundaries are – and they see I actually live up to those. At the same time, I’m willing to accept them for who they are. If we’re both honest about what we want and can give each other that – which is mostly the case – than a relationship is in course.

By the way, the conclusion to my story is that I’m currently “looking for my heart” (more vague than “looking for love”) and will not settle for anything less for a commitment. Another way is to say you won’t do it unless it “feels right”. Don’t explain yourself logically. It’s not a logical issue – it’s an emotional one. And girls know it. Being subjective here is key, talk about your true emotions, nothing she can argue with.

Even if I’ve exchanged “I love you” with, I just said I will not commit if I don’t feel like doing it – which is true. It’s about my freedom, and I will only give it up if I’m deeply inclined to do so. Trying to push me in that direction will only do the opposite.