Motivation to improve

Quote from an introduction message in my local lair:

I’m fairly new to the community, although I’ve met some of you already. Basically, I read ‘the Game’ like a month ago and now I’ve decided to dedicate my life to being the best pick-up artist I can be. I hope it’s sooner rather than later but I’m planning on giving it a solid year of pick-up. So far I’ve gone out every night for a month and my game is already much better.

Hey bro!

Your efforts and motivation are awesome. I have some questions though – it would be very powerful for your goals if you choose to answer them here. Everything below is from my experience of goal-setting, motivation and general happiness in my life.

The two questions are:
1. What do you want to improve in your life by using this tool of pickup?
2. Why do you want that?

I’ll explain why.

Question 1 – What do you want to improve in your life by using this tool of pickup?
Having the right motivation is amazing and very effective. Having the wrong motivation or goals is destructive. I imagine that even before you read ‘The game’ you probably felt something lacking in your relationships with girls.

Perhaps you were pulling girls you thought you could do better than. Maybe you kept repeatedly get stuck in the friends zone. Maybe you got cheated on. And maybe you were a virgin. Doesn’t really matter which – you knew and felt you needed a change.

Then came ‘The game’ and you realized that there are men out there devoted to improving this aspect of their lives. And that was probably a relief to find that there is an answer to your question. But did you forget your original question in the process?

I have doubt whether your original issue was that you could be a better PUA. I don’t know your background; perhaps you were very good with girls and wanted to become a rock star. If that is the case you are a minority (5% or less, I assume) in the community. Otherwise, consider setting yourself up with less assuming goals. Don’t believe me, read what Michael Jordan says on goal-setting.

A goal of being the best PUA you can be is dangerous for another reason.
You do not want to base too much of your identity on being a PUA. Trust me on this, I’ve done it and have seen others do it. If you base a big part of your identity on something that you can’t share with girls, it may eventually RUIN your game. Imagine a much more innocent example – you spend all your free time on being the best marathon runner you can be. But you can’t tell anyone.

Girls can feel when you’re hiding something from them. They may feel it a month into a relationship or in 20 seconds of conversation if they are very perceptive. But they feel it. And it gives off the ‘creepy’ vibe. Not very attractive. Secret identities are cool for spies and superheroes. In real life, they’re a heavy burden to bare.

Pickup should be a tool, a means, not a goal. Perhaps when you are an established Ladies man, this goal of becoming the best PUA can benefit you. As for now, I suggest you concentrate more on improving your love life in general and sex life in particular. Accept that there are certain things in your life you wanted to fix. Write them down. And work on improving them specifically.

“May the Venusian arts enrich your life; not define it.”
~Mystery

Question 2 – Why do you want that?
This question is actually not important on its own. It’s only important in discerning whether your goals, as you answered on question 1 are good goals. Answer this question for each goal you’ve written down. If your motivation is positive (as in wanting to improve your emotional situation, make yourself happier) you’re golden. If it’s negative (as in wanting to avoid a hurtful emotional situation, make yourself less unhappy) you’re not so golden.

See, motivation that comes from fear, ego, wanting to avoid hurt, revenge etc will rarely lead to good results. Motivation coming from a genuine want to improve your life or the lives of others will work better.
For example this goal:

“I want to have sex with 20 girls this year”
Can have the following very different two reasons:

1. I have to prove to myself that I can do it.
2. I want to enjoy variety and new experiences with new girls.

The first one implies a lack. A necessity. If you achieve this goal, the end result will probably be a feeling of “now what?” rather than fulfillment.
The second will actually allow you to improve the quality of your life and allow you to grow in the direction of the person you want to become.
This is of course a generalization. No motivation is purely positive or negative. But as a general rule I find this to be very true.

I suggest you try to work on the goals that will improve the quality of your life first and foremost. Other goals can wait for later; from my experience negative-motivated goals tend to be way more transient than positive ones do.

All the best in your journey, my friend. I hope you found value in this post. I would also encourage everyone here to post their goals in pickup. And if you don’t have a goal, realize that this is the equivalent of running around like headless chicken. Write them down, for your own good. It’s part of the sporting life

My personal answers to these questions:
1. A meaningful relationship with (one or more) beautiful women.
2. I want to experience both incredible passion and emotional intimacy with the same girl.

What’s your answer?